This article has been on my mind for some time now. I have started it many times and deleted. I have revised it, then deleted it. Today I questioned why this has been so hard for me, and like a bolt of lightening the answer was, fear of judgement. When you are a writer you must grow thick skin, as not everyone loves or appreciates your thoughts and opinions. I have grown pretty thick skin, but it doesn't mean that I don’t internalize hateful or questionable comments.
My writing has always been an outlet for me to express what goes on I'm my head. Believe me, there is a lot. Running three businesses, starting a non-profit, and keeping up with my health is an undertaking. It’s more than a full time job it is a job that never stops. I love that my words and my work touch others lives and bring value to our community. So this article has been on the back burner for a while as I have been sorting through my true feelings on the subject of faith, Christ, and how truly deep my relationship with those two are. For a long time I have struggled with organized religion. I was raised Catholic, attended CCD classes, church on Sunday’s for part of my childhood, and “knowing” the word of the Lord. As I grew I questioned Catholicism and how my life was truly affected by attending Sunday services.
I have been in and out of the church and trying to find the place I truly felt the connection I was looking for. The truth is, after fourteen years of illness I have questioned my faith many times. I have studied many different religions and faith based worship, I have leaned into Buddhism and felt that connection, but the biggest connection I feel is when I pray. I have never questioned God and his existence but I have had many questions and thoughts of my own about the right way to have a relationship with him. Is there a right way? Lately I have been watching Live services (Thanks to my daughter Mackenzie, who is also embracing her faith) So as a family we have been watching, listening, and praying. Last night the pastor said something that clicked. He said, “ Don’t question your faith unless you are willing to challenge it.” Drops mic! The AHA moment. How do I challenge my faith? I don’t!
My faith is always with me, as is Christ. When the bible talks about faith it is talking about trust and trusting that we never walk alone. We never walk without his guidance and love. So how can I question a deep meaningful relationship with God when our Fabulously Fighting community is built on a deep meaningful trust in one another that we never walk alone on our journeys. I am leaning into my faith and believing in our community that I won’t be judged or ridiculed for speaking my heart. Just as I don’t judge any of you for your beliefs. Fabulously Fighting will continue to be a safe space to speak openly about our fears, our beliefs and yes even our faith. That you all for indulging me with an open heart and mind, speaking about something so private and thought provoking. Thank you for being a continued blessing in my life and walking with me on this journey. This time of the year can be so hard on many of us, but remember, You will never walk this alone.
Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10
Raising you up in love and light,