The past few weeks I have been here, there and everywhere. (in my own thoughts) and physically speaking. Between preparing for the National Pageant, taking my board exam and study time leading up to it, working and writing, also Mackenzie preparing for her summer intensive and Sleeping Beauty, we have been non-stop busy.
I have found myself apologizing many times for being the family we are. Whether it be taking time to rest or having to decline invites; I have been harboring feelings of letting others down. I also have been holding back talking about an important milestone in my life.
For thirteen years I have been taking classes, sometimes 1 class at a time to obtain my doctorate in Naturopathic medicine with a specialty in Ayurvedic practice. I finished my last class 2 months ago and took my prep class to finally be able to take the exam. Last Thursday I took my board exam and passed with flying colors. I should have been shouting from the rooftop, I should have been over the moon happy to tell everyone. So why wasn't I?
For thirteen years few people knew I was continuing my education. This was something for me, and honestly I didn't want to share this piece until I was sure I could pass. I have had many moments of feeling dumb and stupid, especially in high school when my grades where less than great, then trying to pass an insurance test (failing 3 times) and realizing this was not really what I wanted to do with my life. I found myself apologizing to people I felt I let down; apologizing for having a bigger vision for my career and life. So this has been a well kept secret that has stayed between minimal people.
I often downplay the major things that go on in my life our of fear. I am fearful of being judged. I do it with pageantry, my education, my book, my cancer fight, even major awards.
I know how it feels to be torn down, doubted, criticized, and scrutinized. I have dealt with it many times. Each time making it harder to accept who I am.
SO here is where the truth bomb gets dropped... I realized, I am who I am. Love me or hate me. I accept who I am. I will no longer apologize for being, me. I will love my sarcasm, my awkwardness, my weirdness, my strange habits, my unique sense of humor, my outlook on life, my passion for people, my love for all things sparkly, and the way I choose to look at the world. No apologies for wanting and doing more. I step forward fearlessly to enjoy all the hard work I have put into this life, MY LIFE.
I encourage you all to do the same. Be exactly who you are meant to be. Do it unapologetically.